What's My Life's Message?

Today, I happen to find out via e-mail that someone I know died. It's never a pleasant thing to find out these sorts of things but we all have to deal with them. Maren and Robert are two young Entrepreneurs who were perusing their passion. They have a fashion business where they make beautiful scarves and jewelry. It's rare I meet people that have such a radiating energy about them. Maren Reese and Robert Matunda are those types of people. On their way to a trade show in Chicago Robert was killed in a car accident by a female drug dealer in a car who was trying to get away from the cops. Maren was critically injured but made it. Just three days prior to the accident I was talking with the two of them at an event that I was hosting and we were planning future business opportunities together.

We all need to look at our life and ask "What is my life a message for". It goes to the old saying if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything. And while simple and so cliché' it's very true. We waste so much time on nothingness. Not doing what we are really meant to be doing. Not living our lives with intention. I know that when I leave this earth I want my life to have made a difference. I was sharing the story with a friend. They noticed my deafening silence on the phone once I completed the story he asked me "What's wrong". I told him I really wanted to do something for the couple and he said " You don't have time, Your so busy already, you have your own life to worry about and not someone else’s misfortune". Now mind you this is a person that I would call when I need a voice of reason so he is very, give it to you straight type of guy and while he meant well, It was really a sign of the unfragrant truth about where we are as a society. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people get into something, anything and no one stops; not even for a second. When did we all become so busy that we can't pause for a few minutes a day so that we could live our lives with a purpose?


Lately, I have been feeling so much time pressure. Like I spend all my time working and that I am not accomplishing some of the other things that I would like to do in my life. I was using the wrong approach, trying to get everything done first and then using the time left over to do the things I want to do. The funny thing is there is never anytime left over. It's like saying to yourself; if I have any money left after I pay all my bills, debts and/or outstanding loans then I'm going to put the rest in savings. The challenge is making sure you have something left. In life we never know when our time is up so you can't continue to put yourself on the back burner. No matter the currency of choice money or time, you are worth it. You may not have a chance to do what you’re putting off again. Will you put of something that would really make a difference, in your life or someone else’s? Before you know 10 years is gone and you have been sleep walking through life. But don't. Because your life is meant to be a message for something, and I bet it's something great. Live your life with purpose by paying yourself first. Your life is a meant to be a message for something, What will that something be?


Robert is survived by his fiancé Maren (Shown above) and their 7 month old son Sage.

Get You're Party On!

The only way I actually remember all the things that I have accomplished thus far in my life is by keeping a list. I have an official document that is entitled “Awards and Accomplishments” that is probably about three pages long at this point. I only look at it when I go to add something new or send it out with and a resume or application for an award but I’m always surprised when I look at how much I have actually done.

I always feel that I competing with time, every human’s most precious asset. I know in my mind that it’s a race I could never win but yet in still I have tried. I think sometimes that I am so behind in life I need to do more, accomplish more. But a good friend reminded me once that - I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. The challenge is to remind yourself of that when you feel a little under the gun, and you wish you had more done. After careful contemplation of how I could possible do this I came to a very simple answer - Celebrate the moments of your life.

As I scroll down my growing list of awards and accomplishments I could probably count on one hand the number of times that I have actually taken time out to enjoy whatever it was that I achieved. Most of the time, before I would actually have the award in hand I was already on to thinking “Well, what’s the next thing I can do”. I don’t think that many of us take the time that is necessary and really spiritually required to take in, even the small successes.

My biggest break threw was a few years ago when the guy I was dating for six years decided he wanted to break-up. We had stopped seeing each other once before and I went through a lot before I got over it. I realized at that moment that I had a choice to make. I could go through the same thing again or I could change the way that I looked at things. After talking with a friend I decided to have a break-up party. Yes, you read it right, A break-up party. I called some sister friends over and served pink chocolate and strawberries, wine and a host of other treats. We talked about life, our futures and relationships but there was no male bashing allowed.

This was a time to celebrate; a moment that I could have looked at a bad situation, had actually been a blessing. It forced me to realize all the positive things that were happening in my life. I was just about to start business school, I was running my own business, and I really had a lot of great things going. The party turned out so great the Philadelphia Inquirer got word of it and wrote a story about it!

Taking the time to celebrate the moments of your life doesn’t always mean when something good happens because some people feel that those times are few and far between. But celebrate it all, because it’s yours. Don’t wait for friends or family or any one at all. In fact if necessary have a private party and invite the person that means the most, You. Everyone won’t always recognize your accomplishments or see them in the same light and frankly they don’t have to. But you do.

A life is so precious and even though we all may not have yet achieved our highest earthly goal just know that as long as you stay the course you’ll get there. In the meantime, Party On!

Food for your Thoughts

The Brain is not set up to fail it’s set-up to succeed but you must feed it the right information. When you start putting in thoughts that allow the brain to determine answers, than it will tell you how to solve your problems. But when you start putting in negative thoughts, fears and hesitations you will arrive at a point of feeling stuck, not knowing what to do or how to solve the problem.

Many people are secretly self- sabotaging. It’s the little things on the daily basis that we let ourselves down on that allow the bricks of fear and failure to build up. Having a book that you really want to read or finish reading, that you somehow haven’t had time to do yet, but it’s regularly on your mind, is an example of sabotaging. The fact that you are putting off something even that little and that simple that’s important to you is ceasing your growth.

The funniest thing happened when I was teaching a workshop to a group of entrepreneurs that want to start fashion related businesses. One of the ladies taking the class only showed up to the first session and not the remaining two. She later e-mailed me and said that she missed the other two sessions because her job offered her some over-time so she decided to take it. It was one of the funniest things I ever heard. Here she was taking a step toward something that was really important to her, what she really wanted to be doing. But she stopped before she got started because of what is probably the largest thing that has been holding her back from achieving her dream in the first place, her need for job security.

I remember arriving in London in the fall of 1997 it was the middle of fashion week and I wanted to attend. I went down to the tents and tried to convince a stoutly bloke at the gate that I was a buyer from America and so he should let me in. He kindly told me that without my credentials (a business card) that I simply could not be admitted. I told him that I left everything back at the hotel in Uxbridge (a suburb of London) and it was just too far to go back and get it. He still refused me, and knowing that I didn’t really have any business cards anywhere, it was time to come up with plan B. I took myself down to the quick copy which was like a Kinko’s of London and rented a computer for 30mins and made myself a business card, and had it cut and was ready to go.

I went back to the tent with my credentials this time broad and confident. I showed the gentleman my card which said I owned a boutique called “Nina Foire” (don’t ask me where I got that from I just wanted to sound important) and he kindly stepped aside to let me in. I just hit the bricks - without thinking about it twice I went and made the cards. Looking back on it now, I feel that it was a little crazy. Who knows what could have gone wrong if the card didn’t look real enough but the only thing that I ever put in my mind was – how can I get into fashion week? Certainly, with the right food for thought my brain processed and gave me the answers. Can you imagine your possibilities of your mind, if we just took the care to eat this well all the time?

Who's Game is it Anyway?

Often in life we are playing by the rules. What rules do you ask; the one's that were set by some person or group of people somewhere along the way. Rules exist in our business life, spiritual life and social life and it seems sometimes that we just have to deal with it. One of my favorites is the concept of the American work week, the fact that a group of people at some point agreed that everyone should work from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday with really only one true day of rest. I would love to know who was in the room when this idea was brought to the table but even more importantly who are the zombies that signed up for it.

Can you think of a time that you were in a relationship or friendship with a person where you were playing by their rules? It didn't start off that way but a combination of your willingness to please and their gently overpowering personality and slightly archaic thinking have swooped you into a way of doing things differently, that you have now subconsciously subscribed to. In the shuffle of it all, meat-eaters become vegans, club goers become home bodies, independent thinkers become brown-noser's and monogamous relationship have’s become open-daters. But whose Game is it anyway? Well, that all gets lost as time goes on, and sometimes so does who you really are. After days and months and years of playing by the rules that someone else created, you forget to actually stop and live your own life.

You know the saying if you don’t stand for something than you will fall for anything. Surely, it’s true. I remember my days of playing super Mario Brothers, I would pass one board and advance to the next however, it was still super Mario. The only thing that changed was the levels of complexity. I was able to get to a higher level because I stayed grounded with the basic skills that it would take to win. So, change the game, set your own rules, and declare your expectations. Because or whether or not it's your game, you are unequivocally the most valuable player in your life.

Does Your Mindset Match Your Skill Set?

So often we find ourselves in the same situations over, and over, and over. Why? Essentially because directly or indirectly we choose to be there. We never learn the lesson. I recently had a dream that someone was deceiving me and miraculously a few days later it came true. The crazy part is the situation unfolded almost exactly the same as it did in the dream. Was it really a coincidence? Well, we all think different things about such words. My dream very well may have been just a coincidence but it felt soo real that when I woke up I was literally heart broken.

When things go wrong on some level I know it's going to, before it happens. We put ourselves in the same situations because we feel that this time around it will be different, this time I have it under control. Well, h e l l no you don't. All you really have is the experience from the first time it happened and if you learned the lesson that the situation was meant to teach you, than you will surely run, forest, run in the opposite direction this time around. It's the intuition that we have that gets ignored. Recognizing a sign, a warning, a bad feeling, is a skill but does your skill set match your mindset?

Many people never reached their full potential due to fear of success, fear or failure, even fear of trying to just do something different from the pack. Poor thinking steps in the way and creates a barrier between you and the you, you deserve to be. Our hopes go into things that will almost always fail us, people, false assumptions and monuments of excuses. I personally never believed in the idea of mentors or heroes because people will let you down. I like the idea of isolating the good qualities in a person and making them your own. In this way you some how leave behind all the crap that makes a person human.

So, how can we sharpen our minds? Perhaps, it begins by listening to your intuition and trusting yourself and what you know in your gut but most importantly by having faith. Of course, it's easier said than done. But let’s begin today by embarking on a journey that was so eloquently portrayed in the great words of snoop doggie dog when he said "get your mind right, shortie, get your mind right".

Having What Matters

I remember starting my first business at about 11 years old. It was a cleaning service that my friend Mia and I set up. We would go to this hair salon around the corner from where we lived to sweep up. It was easy, sweep and collect cash. A few other enterprises developed for me later, like a greeting card making business (hand made cards of course), a throw pillow making business that earned me my first sewing machine and a jewelry making business in high school that was netting me a cool five hundred bucks a week. I was very fortunate that my mom got me involved in entrepreneurship programs so young it truly changed my life. Running a business was all I ever really wanted to do.

I remember around 22 years old saying to myself that I wanted to have a serious business started by 25. You know the "career business"And sure enough in 2003 I was on my way. I spend so much time working now, growing my company, sitting on boards, heading programs, planning events, I sometimes feel that I don't get a chance to breath a fresh breath of air before I have to move on to the next thing. I know that part of my wanting to become an entrepreprenuer was to be independent, have my own ideas, create something bigger than me, have freedom, quality of life and build wealth so that I can take care of my family. The funny thing is I spend so much time working that I'm really don't spend as much time as I would like to with friends or family or anyone for that matter. I know that family is important, first and foremost but how can you build the dream while also managing reality?

Can we really have it all? Who knows but I still engage in the constant juggling act to achieve the balance. And certainly it's not just the entreprenuers that are juggling. I have friends in different fields that work unheard of hours, In fact I am almost certain that their companies are in violation of some article of the declaration of independance. lol. No freedom. So, all I really have right now is my heart in the right place. I hope that's having what matters.

What's in a Look?

We all spend so much time getting caught up in our looks especially as we get older. We notice the simplest little things even though quite frankly they may have been there all along. My latest dilemma has been my hair. I really like the R & B artist India Arie but I am certainly not at the level of spiritual clarity that I could proclaimed such thoughts as “I am not my hair". Over the past year I have lost a lot of my hair it basically went from shoulder length to just below my ear. I really miss it. It was a combination of the stress of getting my MBA full-time along with managing a graduate assistant position, running my company, dealing with the fact that my mom just had a stroke, managing a long-term relationship on the brink topped with a dash of over-processing.

Being in fashion I feel that it's important for me to have my own look, something that defines me and my style. I finally felt that I had gotten to a point of doing that with my hair but now, it's all gone. Last week Saturday, I met a friend for tea and we were talking about my hair challenges; shedding versus heathly, natural compared to permed, style versus no style and I realized how much the whole thing was affecting me. It has literally pierced my spirit. It's not that I think that long hair is better than short or visa versa. It's that I never made the choice to actually change my look. But I guess that's what happens as time goes on, we change our looks, our personality and even our friendships and often times without making the choice but by reacting to something that has already happened.

This incident has taught me among many things, to be flexible and adapt to change because you never know when it's coming. I'm sure over the next few weeks; I'll figure out a new look that works and that I'll be just as happy with at least until it all grows back. But I know for sure my hair is a part of my fashion, my style, and my personality. And while I am not my hair, my hair is surely a significant part of me. What's in a look? Well, I guess it's whatever the parts are that define you. Ultimately, you can choose. What's in your look?